Shame is a psychological weapon of exclusion
It is the subconscious, implied threat of abandonment
Shame does not change minds, it coerces false agreement
Agree with me or I will not be affectionate with you
Agree with me or I will not accept you
Agree with me or I will not even acknowledge you exist
The shamer emanates this subconscious question to everyone around them:
"Is my love important enough for you to pretend to agree with me?"
Shame does not build, it breaks apart
It creates false agreement and false love
It coerces behavior
It puts others under the unending daily fear that they may be abandoned at any time
It polarizes those who refuse this coercion into anger, argument, escape and exile
My heart breaks because of the hurtfulness of my friends,
the hurtfulness of my family,
the hurtfulness of this world
And in this moment I weep for it all
How I misunderstood this terribleness
A hidden trap door in every loving relationship,
leading to a dungeon in which I am to be abandoned,
left to hurt and suffer alone,
until I am willing to pretend
It is all a choice.
I reject shame.
I condemn the use of shame to coerce others.
Shame does not reform
Shame does not improve
Shame is not love
Shame: A Hidden Trap Door
Artwork: "Diabolica", Leilani Bustamante, 2016 (source)