Shame: A Hidden Trap Door

Artwork: "Diabolica", Leilani Bustamante, 2016 (source)
Shame is a psychological weapon of exclusion
It is the subconscious, implied threat of abandonment
Shame does not change minds, it coerces false agreement

Agree with me or I will not be affectionate with you
Agree with me or I will not accept you
Agree with me or I will not even acknowledge you exist

The shamer emanates this subconscious question to everyone around them: 
"Is my love important enough for you to pretend to agree with me?" 

Shame does not build, it breaks apart
It creates false agreement and false love 
It coerces behavior 
It puts others under the unending daily fear that they may be abandoned at any time
It polarizes those who refuse this coercion into anger, argument, escape and exile

My heart breaks because of the hurtfulness of my friends, 
the hurtfulness of my family, 
the hurtfulness of this world

And in this moment I weep for it all
How I misunderstood this terribleness
A hidden trap door in every loving relationship,
leading to a dungeon in which I am to be abandoned, 
left to hurt and suffer alone,
until I am willing to pretend

It is all a choice. 
I reject shame. 

I condemn the use of shame to coerce others.

Shame does not reform
Shame does improv
Shame is not love

G.D. Lance ©2020

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